I am honestly sorry that you have found this. I will restrain myself from apologising for every single aspect of this site. it is filled with secrets and passions and loves that i hid from you, and refused to elaborate on when you cracked them. Perhaps that will serve as a reminder of why things happened the way they did. Still, you came here out of morbid curiousity no doubt, and I would be wrong to disoblige.
Loving you was perhaps one of the easiest things i ever did. often times moreso than breathing. There is not a moment of that love that I regret, nor do i grieve for. You are filled with ambition beyond my comprehension, and every time I watched you set out a goal for yourself, I marvelled at your ability to intertwine dreams and logic in a way that very few can do. The notes app on my phone is still over-flowing with letters and poems and essays i wrote for you, and about you. Maybe I'll move them onto a different hard-drive and free my phone, and my eyes, of them. You are still so worthy of love. There's no doubt in that. even now, sometimes you crack a joke that still makes me smile. Although I am no longer privy to it, I must thank your determination, in all its contagiosity. Without it, there are many pieces of my own work that would remain incomplete, even now. In fact, I find it hard to think that there is not some part of my brain that still, still, holds you in high regards. In all honesty, i'm not sure why i felt compelled to include you here. i stopped considering you a friend quite some time ago. Having this out in the open for you to find may finally relieve me of their presence in my head, though you are lucky i don't do the same for all the cruel things i think of you too. I hope you are well. I hope that you become kinder to yourself, I promise you are not weak for caring about yourself. To care is a very difficult job, and without being shown some degree of care, I doubt humanity would have ascended to this point. I hope you learn to love yourself to the same degree that i did. It would be very cruel to mock those that love you by doing otherwise.